Well, new house, so I’m planting a new garden.  Since it’s late summer already, my options are slim.  So far, I’ve got lettuce, spinach, basil and peppers.  I’m planning for cabbage, but I still have to find the seeds or seedlings for those.  Anyway, here are some early pictures of Garden 2.0:

That’s not a dirt pie you see, readers.  (Although it was in the oven earlier - for sterilization.)  It’s potential.

Seedling bed

I guess you can tell I’m definitely back in Manhattan when even the basil plants are purple.

And here, something a little further along:

Poblanos - to ensure my food will have a nice kick.

More of the new garden to follow.  Don’t miss out!  Yes, it is that thrilling!!!

I’d like to address an issue that I’ve found affects several women these days.

Jessica Simpson brand shoes.

From Megan McCain to my old boss, I find that lots of women are adversely affected by the stigma of getting shoes with Jessica Simpson’s name on them.  It’s tough to be respectable when the name on your shoes is synonymous with the great Chicken of the Sea debate.  The problem is, some of the shoes are so damn good looking.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the store, see some really great looking pair of shoes, and once I see her name on them, I feel cheap and dirty.  I walk away, checking around to make sure nobody saw me investigating them.

Exhibit A

Good looking shoe, eh?  It’s a little high for me, but it’s not like I wouldn’t wear it.  Except that I can’t justify putting my money in Jessica Simpson’s pocket!

See, this is the kind of shoe that I’m more comfortable with seeing her name on:

Pretty Awful, eh?  Under what situation, exactly, does one wear such a shoe?  Perhaps if you are a geriatric Inuit trying to seduce the newest resident in your wing of the nursing home.

Either way, I’m sticking to my ban on Jessica Simpson shoes.  Over and out!

What?  You’ve always wanted to know my thoughts on this album?  Awesome!  I figured since there’s a huge resurgence in Big Poppa’s popularity it’s a good time to tackle this subject.

Disc 1 really gets going with the soft and luscious “Fuck You Tonight,” which features sex-machine R. Kelly.  It’s supposed to be seductive I think, at least it sounds like it’s supposed to be.  In a prolific solo by R., he asks his lady to “bring that ass to me, I’m fuckin’ you tonight, stuffin’ you tonight, ohhhhh…”  On advice from Ben, I was careful not to get raped in the ear.  I actually felt, more appropriately, like someone was pissing in my ear.  But in a sexy way.  I mean, I asked for it after all.

A little later comes “I Love the Dough” with Jay Z and Angela Winbush.  The song’s title really sums things up, but I think they all bring a sordid truth to life.  In this big and twisted world, don’t we all love the dough?  Indeed.  Money leads to things like chinchilla coats, heavy jewelry, fast cars, menage-a-trois, and unfortunately, mo’ problems…

“Mo Money Mo Problems” proves to stand the test of time, as Puffy predicts, “10 years from now, we’ll still be on top.  Yo, I thought I told ya, we won’t stop.”  It was from this song alone, that nearly a decade ago I was so impressed that when I found a MA$E CD on the ground, I didn’t even throw it away.  Ever since, it’s been happily nestled in my car’s console next to Britney Spears’ Greatest Hits, only coming out when no one is around.

“Niggas Bleed,” “Somebody’s Gotta Die” and “What’s Beef” round out the album with dire warnings to avoid the East Coast gangsta life.  People bleed, and mothafuckas die! I’m sure the streets of New York are cleaner than they were in the early nineties, but seriously kids, be cool, keep staying in school.  And learn problem solving techniques that don’t require anything like “tie you up, cut ya balls off,” as Biggie tells us of in “What’s Beef.”  There’s no need for that!

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Quiet Predator…
Spontaneous Combustion
You thought it was myth?

Man walks along rug
Wearing nylon coat with wool.
Crash, bang, then he’s gone!

Cat sits in the sun
Too long being lazy, hairy friend
Kaboom!  The fur fries!

Sometimes you just can’t find the right card for the situation.

Long story short, Ben’s co-worker has a baby that his mom accidentally dropped on a counter-top.  Now lots of bad things have happened since then, and now he won’t stop talking about it, on the phone, in the lab, in front of everyone.  So Ben has created his own very special card for the situation.

So in the most passive-aggressive way to get a personal message across ever, it’s posted here.

Actually, there’s another story the same guy’s got going now about his newly-blind dog, so I made this one for hanging around the lab.

I think they both work well.  Feel free to post them around your office for those over-sharers.

Friends, Americans, countrymen - lend me your eyes.

Now I’m super excited that Obama won this election, (and super excited that the closest Sarah Palin will ever be  to the White House is on a tour bus) but I think it’s just possible that being American is kinda cool again.  Follow along with me now, let’s check out Exhibit A:

How badass is that?  Doesn’t he look like he’s walking away from a helicopter after he just blew up a building in some Jerry Bruckheimer movie?

Could have gone in a lot different direction…

God dammit people, stop wearing the flag as a shirt!

Hey Sarah, what’s up?

I have some major problems with you.  I’m just ill about it.  Not only do I vehemently disagree with your politics (which is ok, I mean, this is America after all… but at least it’s a good reason not to vote for you), but most importantly, you are ignorant.  And that quality alone says to me that you shouldn’t be anywhere near an oval office.  Seriously.  Don’t even try to go to the White House for a tour.

Every time you try to be snarky you just come off as idiotic.  When Katie Couric asked you about calling Joe Biden old in a campaign speech (when your own running mate McCain is six years older than Biden), you, “the lipsticked pitbull” backed up and said you were just complimenting Biden’s experience.  And then you expected me to believe that you’re “the new energy, the new face, the new ideas…” when your conservative ideas are the same as the past administration?  Then you continued to dodge Couric’s questions, like which newspapers and magazines you read.  “I have a vast variety of sources,” you said.  You couldn’t even name a single one!  You have a degree in JOURNALISM!!!

And it’s cute how you got to meet a few heads of state last week.  Then you went and memorized their last names!  How precious.

All gaffes aside, I’m definitely not convinced that you’re “ready, willing and able” to be the next VP.  I think you’re more fit for the Snow Queen of Alaska contest, and frankly I’m insulted that you even need to cram so hard for a debate.  You’ve demonstrated time after time that you clearly don’t have a grasp on current events, and I can’t believe that half the country is willing to take a chance on a woman who believes more that Jesus rode a t-rex than in scientific evidence to the contrary.

So in conclusion, I don’t necessarily want you to back out of the race… Moreover I want you to be the Hindenburg of the McCain campaign.  Oh, it would be funny if you weren’t so popular with certain ‘Mer-cans…

Peace out,

Lauren

I got this gem of a clip art in my inbox today.

Even though it was next to a few other pieces of generic clip art (people pointing at a chart, a close up of a handshake, two men in suits about to give each other a handshake…) somehow this was my favorite.  Let’s listen in.

ARCHITECT: So what I’m saying is,  the bricks need to go on the wall there, not behind it.

CONTRACTOR: Oh, right.  So that’s gonna be an extra change order.

BOTH (WITH VIGOR): Boy, I’m glad I wore this hard hat!  …Jinx!

Moving along…. Does anybody watch the OC?  Seriously, the last season… WTF?  I get that Marissa had to die I guess because Mischa Barton wasn’t a good employee or something, but WHY IS RYAN DATING TAYLOR???

Here’s the other clip art too -

Something that has recently been brought to my attention: