This mother truckin’ Inuit knife and breadboard bowl set drops it like it’s hot and then crushes it! Did you club a seal today and need to skin it? Did your redneck neighbor pass out on your front porch again and it’s time to cut off his mullet? Or hey, maybe you just got some fresh strawberries from Trader Joe’s and you’re looking to make some shortcake, yum! Brother this is THE knife and breadboard set for you, because it’s been doing all that and more for a couple millenia. That knife warns you too, DON’T MESS WITH ME, I’LL CUT YOU. Look at those eyes. Those are not teddy bears, friend. Those bears mean business. Now it’s about time to chop those carrots and olives into oblivion, but don’t worry, they’re gonna keep safe in this bowl. No rolling around gonna happen. All in all these tools will make your chopping a breeze, and they might even protect you from a home invasion.

Creepin’ up on me.

Look, it snowed last night.  And this morning, searching through all my (generally warm-weather) shoes, I surmised that the most appropriate pair of shoes to tromp through the snow and ice were…

my golf shoes.

They do look good in all occasions, though.  Thank you Callaway, for making such a fine pair.

(Since I was born there I’m actually the coolest. )

My new shirt - from the Flying J, of course!!!

I’d like to address an issue that I’ve found affects several women these days.

Jessica Simpson brand shoes.

From Megan McCain to my old boss, I find that lots of women are adversely affected by the stigma of getting shoes with Jessica Simpson’s name on them.  It’s tough to be respectable when the name on your shoes is synonymous with the great Chicken of the Sea debate.  The problem is, some of the shoes are so damn good looking.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the store, see some really great looking pair of shoes, and once I see her name on them, I feel cheap and dirty.  I walk away, checking around to make sure nobody saw me investigating them.

Exhibit A

Good looking shoe, eh?  It’s a little high for me, but it’s not like I wouldn’t wear it.  Except that I can’t justify putting my money in Jessica Simpson’s pocket!

See, this is the kind of shoe that I’m more comfortable with seeing her name on:

Pretty Awful, eh?  Under what situation, exactly, does one wear such a shoe?  Perhaps if you are a geriatric Inuit trying to seduce the newest resident in your wing of the nursing home.

Either way, I’m sticking to my ban on Jessica Simpson shoes.  Over and out!

So I was poking around YouTube today, looking for some good tips on what eye shadows go with blue eyes, what not… anyway, I found this really great girl named Lauren (nice, eh?) that shows lots of tips on makeup stuff.  She’s so cute that I had to post one of her videos:

Brilliant, eh? I’m off to mess around with my face in front of the mirror for a while.

This video is beyond hilarious, I’ve been watching it over and over all morning, and I have to share.

There is only one thing that could make it even funnier, and that is if Yakety Sax was playing on the arena loudspeakers.

I’m sure this post’s title sounds like I’ll be doing something gross.  That’s sort of true.

This morning as I was sitting in bed I heard this report on shampooing hair.  To paraphrase, washing your hair every day is not necessary.  Your sebaceous glands adapt and stop producing oil all the time, instead only producing enough to establish the right amount.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, and you might say I’ve been mulling it over in the back of my head for a while now.  Now I’ve got to pat myself on the back/head here, because I’m lucky enough to have some really decent hair going on when I wash it every day.  I don’t use expensive shampoos and conditioners, partly because I’m poor, but partly because I don’t really have to use them to have nice hair.  Basically I’m starting off at a good point.  So I’ll pose that age old question - What’s the worst that can happen?!

Anyway, I’m already on an every other day schedule, so I’m bumping it up.  Today is day 3, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s a little greasy.  I’m not going to be able to keep it down, that’s for sure.  Not that I actually keep my hair down a lot these days anyway, it’s too easy just to throw it up in a ponytail or something because I don’t really go to work or anything.  It almost makes me want to experiment with cutting my own hair, but that’s a conversation for another day.  Moving along!

Anyway, I’m planning on a 4-5 day routine for a while, but I’ll definitely wash it if I have to do something that requires some dandy hair.  I’ve also got some Bumble & Bumble Hair Powder going on today too, so it’s really not that bad.

Day 3

What?  I’m unemployed.  What else am I gonna do all day?!

UPDATE:

Day 4 is here, and it’s no beauty contest, that’s for sure.

Day 4

Definitely a ponytail kind of day, not that I’m sad about it.  The best part was when I was about to get in the shower and I was brushing my hair back to pull up, and it just stayed there.  It looks like when I was 12 and I got into my mom’s hair gel without knowing what I was doing, and I just put a ton of it on.  It doesn’t feel too bad though, as long as I pile it up on my head and ignore it.  Check back next week for the continuing drama.

Heyyyyyy folks… I just found something fun and new.  It’s Polyvore!  Oh I’m well aware it’s basically just fashion plates for the twenty first century.

So anyway here are a couple of ones I did.  Yeah I’ve got a lot of time on my hands.

To Hell and Bach by laurenmmayo

Best thing about that one is that scarf - it totally looks like bacon to me… mmmmmm…

Work it orange and blue by laurenmmayo

Something that has recently been brought to my attention:

FINALLY! A reason to swim more often! I present… the flipper stiletto!!!!!

Yes… that is what you think it is. Scuba in style now, bitchezzz!

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find out anything about this find. The boxes say High Tide Heels, but I challenge you to find these. Personally I hope they will be the Crocs of this season.

If you’re in Atlanta, you might want to try to pick up a pair so that when all that rain comes, you’re going to be able to get around.

BUT for something that will really make me press my nose against the storefront:

Yessssss……. my preshuzzzzz….

This little mama is the Strutt Couture Panel Platform Shoe available at Asos.com

And the raccoon side of me stopped in my trashy little tracks the second I saw these:

Dolce and Gabbana Metal Detail Leather Pumps available at Neiman Marcus.
Yep. I definitely need these. Anyone want to indulge me?  Uhhhhh, I neeeeeeeed them.